The Day that the SGC Went MAD!
by Questionablelight
Summary: Daniel with no caffeine, Jack with no Simpson’s, Teal’c with a pimple, Sam with PMS and more… oh and Apophis makes a reemergence into the world of the SGC.
1. Chapter 1

**The Day That The SGC Went MAD!**

**Pairings: Sam/Jack… possibly in a very twisted form. If anyone is interested I am a big SJ shipper, even if it won't appear that way throughout this 'story'. **

**Summary: Daniel with no caffeine, Jack with no Simpson's, Teal'c with a pimple, Sam with PMS and more… oh and Apophis makes a re-emergence into the world of the SGC. **

**Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point. **

**Okay this was born from many insane msn conversations and too many English lessons where I should've been completing important work for impending assessments, but instead was hit with the inspiration for this story. I guess this is finally the illogical, non-plot story (I use the term very loosely) that I talked about in my bio. **

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It started just like any other day, well as normal as they come for an extraterrestrial with a parasitical being named 'junior', two 'false' gods (depending on whom you talked to), and 5 Homo sapiens. 

And yet it was apparent very soon after waking up for all of them that their plans of; universe domination, endeavouring to discover new ways of using the word 'Indeed', absorbing caffeine straight to the bloodstream, economising the dial up process to stop pesky goa'uld's dialling in faster, managing to poke as many people as possible with needle's in a day, learning to avoid paperwork successfully to watch the Simpson's, and to lower the increasing high risk of a heart attack due sg1's tendency to get themselves into life threatening situations regularly, were never going to be completed, well at least not that day anyway.

In true fighting form Major Samantha Carter had pulled an all nighter, and as a result she had fallen asleep with her head on a Petri dish containing a sample of naquadah, because that was what she did in her spare time, study extraterrestrial minerals. However this wasn't the issue, the issue was that she now had an extremely large round, red indent on her forehead. It didn't even look like a _good_ indent seeing as it wasn't in the centre of her brow; but to the left so that it looked utterly ridiculous.

She hadn't noticed this of course, because a sudden feeling as if she was being attacked by several painsticks at once in the abdomen, announced a new problem to add to her growing list of aliments. Yes, the unthinkable had happened to the beautiful, confident and self assured Major in the US Air force, she had gotten her period during the middle of the night, bled through her pants and the Sg1 change rooms were 3 floors away, with an unimaginable number of SF's and SGC personal, not to mention security camera's taping 24/7 between her lab and the change room.

During the time that Sam was planning her recon down the SGC halls with the aim to be seen the least amount of times, Teal'c was just arising from his state Keel'no'reem. To fasten his return from his heightened state of perception he ran his large, strong Jaffa hands over his visage. This morning though, he didn't need this particular method of returning to reality as he felt a lump just under the right corner of his lips. In his panic to find a reflective surface, he forgot proper Jaffa protocol to keep a stoic, calculating profile at all times.

Seeing as he endeavoured to keep his room as simple as possible, without the cluttered, or 'ordered mess' if you like, complications created via excessive accumulation of unneeded furniture in his already small room. He naturally didn't have a mirror, or a reflective substitute contained within his lodgings.

With sudden impending clarity, he become conscious that the only mirror within the immediate vicinity, was in fact within the Sg1 change room one floor down.

It was at this precise moment that Colonial Jack O'Neill (with two L's thank you very much, the one with one L has no sense of humour) came too. He had of course fallen into a drunken euphoria the night before, at the tragic, heart-rending news that Fox was currently debating whether to continue showing The Simpson's. This morning however, would've been a whole new kettle of fish if he had been a cliché resorting kind of guy. He was not such a man, so he would settle for the words deluding himself, that no such thing was announced on the News last night.

Still even without the inconceivable tragedy of The Simpson's being cancelled, there was still the irritatingly sunny… sunlight hurting his retina, and the offending headache pounding away like little marching men in his brain. Still the more immediate problem to get past was his current predicament as a tangle of limbs, face down on the floor, with stiff, sore and aching knees. It is possible to theorise that he began on the lounge the previous night, or early morning (remember though, time is relative), but regardless of how he came to be on the floor, the result is that he, in his current pre caffeinated state, was going to have some major issues with getting up.

But to move on from Jack's current state or affairs, we shall go back in time to about 15 minutes ago (again time is relative) to when Dr. Daniel Jackson opened his startling perfect blue eyes, and grumbled incoherently. The resident linguist of the SGC, the speaker of at least 27 different languages, was currently inept at stringing together anything coherent or fluent in any language, due to his current lack of anything remotely resembling coffee.

He reached out blindly, fumbling around, somewhat akin to how a foal readied itself to get up for the first time. After seemly searching without a purpose for possibly for a few minutes (or perhaps eons to Daniel as time is relative and he had no coffee), he found what I was he searched desperately for.

"Ah ha!" he muttered as his clumsy fingers found their target, and no it was not his glasses. It was the button of an intercom which he had eloquently baffled General Hammond into allowing him have installed, being a linguist and a way with words had its use's. Actually General Hammond to this day still didn't know why exactly Daniel needed a direct line to the Commissary but allowed him to have it anyway.

After pressing the button in triumph, Daniel's shell waited impatiently for a reply. After waiting what seemed like years, which in reality was only a few seconds, a somewhat annoyed, but still curt, reply made its way to the archaeologist's ears.

"Dr Jackson; the answer is still the same as has been for the last 6 mornings. By order of General Hammond I am not permitted to allow you to drink Coffee, Tea or any other form of caffeinated beverage. Please do not ask me again, it is out of my hands."

This brought him out of his sleepy stupor. No coffee was a blasphemy to his way of life, no caffeinated beverage in general just added salt to an already festering wound. Still he, being the educated man that he was, found a new savour in Nestle and more importantly their production of Guarana Bars two days ago. It was not a beverage, and therefore not contraband, however he had a hidden stash of them within his locker in the Sg1 change room. It was not that he was going against the General's order; he just didn't want to bring it to anyone's attention that he had found a way around the enforced ban. It was in that instant, with a flash of inspiration; he resolved to go to the Sg1 locker room to get his fix.

Suddenly feeling as if he could sing and dance, he preceded to do so as he made his way to the elevator. To an observer it would appear that he had gone mad, and to be honest, they wouldn't be far off, but then that would imply that he was sane to begin with.

And so this was how the day begun for the esteemed sg1. The day however had not begun yet for either G. Hammond, Dr Frasier (the last two Homo sapiens) or either of the two 'false' God's (depending once again to whom you spoke to). All four of which had either issues with alarm clocks or simply being within a different time frame.

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**Right, well, I can normally tell whether I like a story or not, but to be honest I am unsure as to what this belongs to. The acknowledgment of being posted or the recycle bin. Still if you like this, ill attempt at humour (yes I know it's not the Haha or lmao kind), then please review. I think I will even allow flames over this because as I said, I am unsure whether this is good or not. **

**Still, I will continue with this if you want me too, I do have some ideas… the ones which I am actually writing this for haven't made a guest appearance yet. **


	2. Chapter 2

**The Day That The SGC Went MAD! **

**Okay… here is the next instalment and if there are any Lurker's out there reading this; then please review. **

**Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point. **

**However I think I have a problem, I am sacrificing my brand of dry and insane humour for some form of a plot.Still as is the problem when you don't finish things when you start them, they begin to taper off at some point. Hopefully you will enjoy andsomeday there will be and end to this somewhere along the line.**

**Thanks to:**

**Equinox-SGC: wow I think that's the longest review I've ever received for any of my stories thanks so much, even if it did hurt my head when I first tried to read it. That was my own fault for only getting an hour of sleep due to both an English and Chem assessment that day. And I loved the link back to a Bug's life… even if I had to think about where that part was… still I hope you enjoy this chpt, an enlightening review btw**

**MajorMercedes: I'm glad that you found it funny, I was kinda had this feeling that it wasn't quite going to be accepted as humour. I mean the first person I showed this too asked me if I was on something? I mean I was on a sugar high at the time, but that's not the point right?**

**DickieT: don't worry I will continue this, and I'm glad I'm not simply doing this for my own amusement when I'm bored really late at night. Thanks for reviewing.**

**Me: Thanks for your review… interesting nic btw wouldn't want to mistaken you for someone else right?**

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Dr Janet Frasier woke up and sleepily looked around to see how long it would be until her alarm went off. However the second that she looked at it she knew she had been played. Oh had she been played alright. Why on all the planets that Sg1 could find an orphaned child on, did it have to be the one that specialised in scheming teenage brats? 

Oh yes the 'issue' with alarm clocks, wasn't entirely honest of the author in the closing paragraph of the last chapter. Sure Janet had issues, but it wasn't with an alarm clock, rather it was with a teenager who didn't comprehend why she couldn't sleep in on a school day, and didn't appreciate the need for her mother to get to work on time.

Janet hated to think what drama either Daniel or Siler had inadvertently caused simply due to absentmindedness. It was then that she remembered that she had been treating Siler for once again losing the battle with, well nothing in particular seeing as he had simply been walking at the time and broke his ankle. Honestly if she had believed in curses, which she should seeing as the existence of aliens was proven everyday in her line of work so why not magic, then it would appear that Siler was cursed to live out eternity injuring himself.

Still, the matter of waking up the conniving Machiavellian, nonetheless still needed to be undertaken Janet realised as she slowly crept into the child's room. Oh how she would make this 'daughter' pay. Looking around the room she could see the pagan influence, plus who knew what else, in random places such as the cauldron that Janet had nearly tripped over.

She damned The Harry Potter universe and J. K. Rowling to the deepest place on hell, or Netu which didn't exist anymore but still managed to highlight the importance of her mental threat.

Janet had to concede though, that for a girl from another planet, she had fitted into the typical messy bedroom, frustrating Earth teenager stereotype so well she had to speculate whether Jack had been giving her lessons. It would be just like the man so the next she found an excuse to give him a needle; it was going to be the biggest one within the whole infirmary. No scrap that, the universe; the tokra surely should have something suitable. Whoever came up with innocent until proven guilty, obviously didn't know the pleasure obtained via needle stabbing.

However as to how Janet was to smite the rebellious Machiavellian, is another story which doesn't belong to this one, seeing as Cassandra didn't belong to the SCG. She only played an important role as to why Janet would start to viciously attack anyone, within a reachable radius, with great big Honking needles. To an observer it was almost as if she was playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey, with humans as a substitute.

However back to the present time for the colonial. He had managed to get caught between a rock and a hard place, or rather his couch and his table. His old knee's had decided earlier that the perfect time to lock into place would be when he was levering himself up. The end result being that he was now stranded with no conceivable way of moving anywhere without damaging some part of him any further, Damn stupid cold mornings.

Still he was not completely without any ingenuity, sure people always thought Sam was the smart one who came up with all the idea's and plans but that was only because he was the one who came up with the bright ideas of not being around much to distract her. It was entirely unfair that he got no credit for it either, it was just as well the Asgard loved him so much, otherwise he might quit.

But to put that ingenuity to practice he started to lean further and further to his right so that he would fall onto the couch and from there bash his legs into working. He was not expecting though to land on a cold, hard and unforgiving metallic surface with his legs up in the air.

Thor had obviously thought this would be the perfect time to beam him up, with his beamer … beamy thing, Jack thought stupidly as he tired to understand what on earth (pun intended) was going on and as to why his knees still hadn't unlocked after being demolecularised and then remolecularised. I mean come on, for crying out loud, something should've given way after that right?

It was then Thor appeared, the small Roswald like alien looked strangely larger than usual to him, well until his 'unintelligent' brain remembered he was on the ground.

"O'Neill, from you last thoughts, I have come to the conclusion that you have the memory retention of an poisson rouge" The little, come large grey alien said.

Had he spoken out loud? Or did the Asgard have some new form of brain reading dohicky, besides what the hell was a poi-thingy

"Err, a what? Was that ancient? Coz I kind of gave that knowledge back to you, besides I was to dumb for it anyway." He was still kind of snarky over the implication that he was incapable of learning a form of Latin, a dead language mind you, especially as he managed it damn well fine in the 'time loop incident.'

"Are you not capable of speaking many languages from your home planet O'Neill? You repeatedly said goodbye in many languages before being implanted with Urgo." It was said in the annoyed tone that you would normally take with a small child who couldn't 'recall' if they had taken the last cookie.

O'Neill was however, completely oblivious to the implications that Thor's voice carried with it, due to his preoccupation of trying to discover how Thor came know such intimate details of the SGC, his small mind could only process one thing at a time.

"That's common (he stressed the word) knowledge, it doesn't mean that you know the whole (again he stressed the word) damn language. Besides how do you know that, you guys got us bugged?"

"Wormhole extreme is an enlightening production; we were able to tab into your cable networks through your satellite transmissions. In light of your revelation, a poisson rouge is a Goldfish, however this is not why I transported you here." He paused like all good superior alien life forms do when they are about to impart with valuable information.

After the correct protocol length of a pause he continued with an imperceptible nod of his head,

"Major Carter is in trouble".

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**Okay now is the part where I get out my lectern and try to convince you to review. Yet seeing as my cat (which I'm deathly afraid of, and yes I do actually have a lectern) is currently sleeping on it, I'll cut my spiel short and simply ask you politely to review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**The Day That The SGC Went MAD! **

**Sorry I've taken so long to post this, Real Life has been pretty hectic right now, and it doesn't help that teachers keep reminding me that its only five more weeks till the trials for the HSC and two of those weeks are school holidays, not to mention the fact that erm… I wasted too much time in school for the past year and a half. **

**I guess this chpt is just further testimony to my inability to do school work, seeing as my first day home sick in about 3 years and I spend it writing this, but hey. A girl's got to have priorities right?**

**Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point. **

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**(Voice over) Christopher Judge: Previously on The Day That The SGC Went MAD! **

After the correct protocol length of a pause he continued with an imperceptible nod of his head,

"Major Carter is in trouble".

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**(Voice over) Christopher Judge: And now for the conclusion ...(well next bit anyway)**

"Hey, that was an insult!" Jack said, as if he hadn't even heard the significant information that Thor had just imparted with, in fact he had heard, but he had taken the pause to process what Thor had said earlier. He was only now beginning to process what Thor had said about Carter.

"I do not understand O'Neill, how is Major Carter's being in trouble an insult to you?"

"Not that, _That_" Jack said as if it explained everything to the little grey alien.

And then it clicked, Major Carter, his precious 2IC that he couldn't live with out was in trouble. She couldn't be in trouble they were meant to live through this war, then retire, marry, have 2.5 kids and a dog. Or just a dog, it was still good that way. But back to the matter at hand….

"Who, What, When, Where, Why" it was all he could think of, the conditioned kindergarten behaviour of trying to find information. Although some could argue that he never progressed from a kindergarten's mentality either.

To Thor it was as if Jack had begun to speak in tongues, or rather maybe his tongue was just getting in the way. Either way the result was not coherent speech.

Thor instantly remembered he had a date with the man who lived in a shack and was the shadow behind the galactic presidents which the insightful alien, who posed as a human, Douglas Adam wrote about. The bundle of vague sensory perceptions you see only was the ruler of a small stretch of the universe and had to be taken where he could meet the other shadow's to discuss the happenings of the next few millennia.

Thor fiddled around with something on his wrist and the familiar white light engulfed Jack, to transport him back to earth.

For the third time that morning Jack found himself flat on his face, legs still in the air damn it.

"Thor!" he screamed out to the empty elevator, "Couldn't you have at least fixed that buddy!"

A sudden feeling as if he was run over by a herd of pink elephants (And neither he, nor the author was drunk), escalated his pain threshold almost to breaking point before it lessened it hold over him. Still, with it his knees gave way and he could finally get up properly.

"Appreciate it mate" he called out again to the empty elevator sarcastically, praying to god he wouldn't have to go through that again, there had to be less painful methods out there right? Cause he sure as hell wasn't going through that again. And he should know that hell exists, or rather had existed, because he'd been there.

Damn stupid gou'uld's who claimed themselves to be 'good', why'd they ruin a good thing, that place had lots going for it. Even if the tokra couldn't see it he had and that's what counted.

A constant warm temperature all year round so his knees would never seize up on him again and not to mention the unique molten lava wall deco which kept transforming the walls so you couldn't get bored with the old. Brought a whole new meaning to 'out with the old and in with the new', if only he was the cliché kinda guy, he could have so fun with that particular saying.

There was of cause the minor draw back of the persistent sulphur smell, and little rebelling men with weapons everywhere, but he could get past that. There was however no need to blow the place up, and while he was still on it too, that was simply uncalled for.

Still without meaning to Jack had just spent an hour (in an unused elevator) pondering the previous existence of Hell aka Netu before he remembered that Thor had said Carter was in trouble. Finally resolving to go and help Carter outa her fix (Oh the irony) he went to press the strangely florescent button to go to her lab, the best place he could think of to start. Instead he was transported into the Sg1 change room's where he found a prostrate and crying Daniel on the floor, in conjunction with a Cater (in his Simpson's boxers) applying cover-up on a Teal'c who had an unidentifiable lump of indescribable size below his lip.

However instead of finding this strange, or unusual in any way, shape or form, he simply broke down and joined Daniel crying on the floor. Having seen Carter within his Simpson's boxers had brought home two undeniable facts. One; that he could never wake up and see Carter in his boxers (or less for that matter) and two (the more important one) he could never watch the Simpson's again. He continued to weep in self pity, over how cruel life was to remind him of both the things he couldn't have.

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**A/N what an opportune moment for someone to walk in don't you think… the question is will they? Find out next time when The Day That The SGC Went Mad continues. I know, I know too much POTC. But hey, Depp is so good to watch, you have to admit it, go the walk!**

**Go on review, you know you want too. **

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**Anyways a big thanks to:**

**Smartbraty2, Badass37000 and Nicnok; I'm glad that you all find it funny, I was somewhat depressed when one of my friends said they didn't get any of it. Thanks so much for reviewing, they always make me smile.**

**melpomene-muse of tragedy: Wow, I actually did write something the right way for once, do you mind telling my English teachers that lol. Thanks so much for your review, and I have to agree, I love seeing them all in these situations too. **

**Hiya: to be honest I had thought of that, but I'm not sure if I'm going to put that in, or simply leave it with Thor noticing her distress and sneaking around. And as for what Janet did to Cassie, it's a need to know basis lol… or in other words I might think something up and put it in at the end. **

**Equinox-SGC: To be honest I used to hate HP with a passion and being made to study the first book in year eight only added fuel to the fire. And now I'm addicted, not with anything in particular though, I just love the idea of a secret world and I can't wait until the 16th of July when half blood prince comes out lol. Once again thanks for your review, its nice when it's the same person coming back. Good luck with the society and culture report. **

**Oh and just a mention to the 163 people who read do you remember…. Please it would be nice if you reviewed, I know that it was me being delusional but hey… its always nice to hear things even if its critical. **

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	4. Chapter 4

The Day That The SGC Went MAD!

**Okay, its school holidays… metaphorically anyway, literally it's just like school with the exception that I am in my own house and without a teacher. So keeping that in mind my charming parents have decided to go on a holiday, taking me (and my obese folder) with them claiming that I can study there… yeah right like that's going to happen! **

**Anyhow, just thought I would post this before I leave tomorrow. Well that and I've just drunk two Liters of fermented apple juice (the cloudy real one not the yellow one that looks like urine) and apart from making me need to go to the toilet more, I'm currently on a high. Yes I know there is only a small percentage of alcohol in that, but the sugar content in two litres of Apple juice is extremely high so it's a combination of the two. Cheers! **

**Disclaimer: Yes well… if I owned this would I demoralize characters in this way? Most likely yes… but that's not the point.**

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(Voice over) Christopher Judge: Previously on The Day That The SGC Went MAD!**

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However instead of finding this strange, or unusual in anyway shape of form, he simply broke down and joined Daniel crying on the floor. Having seen Carter within his Simpson's boxers had brought home two undeniable facts. One; that he could never wake up and see Carter in his boxers (or less for that matter) and two (the more important one) he could never watch the Simpson's again. He continued to weep in self pity, over how cruel life was to remind him of both the things he couldn't have.

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****(Voice over) Christopher Judge: And now for the conclusion ... (the next bit anyhow)**

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Still having Daniel also weeping and pounding his fist upon the concrete floor, somewhat hampered the wallowing in self pity Jack was attempting to accomplish. No body wants someone to steal their limelight, especially if their act was worth an academy award and yours wasn't. So they best thing he could do in this kind of situation he quickly summarised was to stalk over to the little concealed bar fridge and pull out a nice cold beer, regardless of how early it was. I mean come on; it had to be drinking time _somewhere_ in the world, right? And with that he tried to drown his sorrows, the only problem was that he couldn't get drunk on only 5 beers, the word 'Bar' should signify the ability to fit enough beer to supply a whole Bar and yet bar fridges were always so small. However getting drunk on 5 beer's would've been an insult if he had the ability to, and he didn't think he could survive one more hit to his already diminished male ego when he reached the land of the soberholics again.

It was at this exact inopportune moment that Siler hobbled into the change room on his crutches looking for Sam. As he did so, he almost simultaneously tripped over Daniel's waving legs, only to fall into a heap and break his arm. And to no ones surprise, this didn't even deter Daniel in the slightest from his Broadway performance.

_Earlier_

Okay, if I stick close to the wall's I should be able to get into the elevator with out anyone seeing my pants. This 'innovative' plan being the only one that the brilliant mind of Major Samantha Carter could come up with under this particular form of duress. I mean, sure she was known to have blown up a sun in her time, but faced with this situation she became incapable, of thinking outside the square she lived in.

Yet as she was just about to creep out the door, she remembered the four legged lab stool that she owned and was sleeping on before when this 'incident' occurred. Thank god she had spent all her younger youth inside a lab, where she had learnt the delicate art of walking on a four legged stool. (A/N indeed it is possible, trust me on that!)

And so that was how the SF monitoring the security screens would watch the most brilliant mind that the world possessed make her way down the corridor and into the elevator. He watched in fascination and awe at the smooth and almost graceful way that she simultaneously lifted two side legs off the ground and swung her hips so that they jutted forward before doing the same with the other two.

It was in this position, perched on a stainless steel stool that Teal'c would find her in the very near future.

Teal'c was precisely only 5 minutes prior to this particular unearthing, pondering over the pro's and cons of certain methods for his own expedition down the SGC hallway undetected. After realising that pressing the big red button and claiming Anubis was inside the gate room to deter people from this particular hallway was unviable, or the possibility of him learning how to become transparent within the space of the next few minutes, let alone the next millennia, was improbable. He simply decided on his proud, stoic stance with a few adjustments.

He would simply have to hold his head a little higher, much more viable than claiming a Gou'uld have majestically appeared within the highly guarded wall of the SGC, even if he was half ascended.

However holding his head just that few millimetres higher in a way to hide the lump of indistinguishable size, also meant that he would appear to an onlooker as an arrogant snobbish Pom. Something that he had learnt from O'Neill as to be a very bad thing indeed. (A/n sorry to any Brits out there… I just couldn't let it go). Still he would just have to take that chance, indeed his Jaffa pride couldn't take the blow of someone realising that he had a blemish on his stoic visage. No, that would be most un-seemly. It was one thing to claim your pride was injured when capturing the super soldier and an old man (Bray'tac) could do it and you couldn't. It was another thing altogether for a hundred year old plus man, let alone Jaffa who was the previous first prime of Apophis, to allow someone to observe the blemish on his stoic visage.

And so that was the plan which won out in the end, the Pom Façade, which would conceal his imperfection until the elevator doors opened to reveal a flushed major sitting on a stool, and he forgot his preoccupation with holding his head up higher.

"Teal'c is that a…?"

"A what, Major Carter?" Teal'c answered unsure if he could bluff his way out of this, whilst at the same time learning wisdom of why the Major was sitting in the middle of an elevator, on her lab stool, looking as if she had run a few kilometres with an alkesh behind her.

"A err… Pimple?" she answered somewhat hesitantly.

"I am currently unsure as I do not contain a reflective surface within my lodgings", yeah, bluffing was going to get him no where. Not with the brain that O'Neill had dubbed a national treasure. So instead he had finally comprehended the T'auri saying of "if you don't like where its heading, then change the subject".

"What is your current need for a stool within an elevator; I do not remember it being a viable transportation device." Normally he would only say the bare minimum but desperate times, call for desperate measures and Teal'c was by all means a desperate Jaffa. So therefore when a tell tale sign of a flush warmed the adult Major Carter, he could only feel perverse pleasure at a task well done.

"Well, Teal'c you see. I was… I was trying to…" she paused for a few moments trying to think of a reasonable excuse for being caught in such a sticky (pun intended) situation.

And in a sudden flash of inspiration she continued;

"I was reminiscing, you see we used to have stool races in high school, and I just wanted to see if I had lost any of my talent. You're looking at the No. 1 best stool racer in my High School if not the Country!"

Yeah, that was believable… Teal'c wouldn't know any better he had missed the finer points of high school on another planet about 100 years ago. Besides she really had won most of the stool competitions at high school, and every one knew that the best lies were laced with the truth right?

"I still do not understand as to why you are currently within this elevator on a stool." Teal'c knew that she was trying to hide something, and many times the dumb alien ploy had tricked people into giving him the information he needed, so hey... What the hell, why not try it? He wanted to keep the conversation from circling back to his blemish.

"Well I thought I'd go for a trip down to our change rooms and back, just to see if I could still do it, you know how it is… so anyway, is that a you know."

If Teal'c had been a lesser man, he would've turned and fled at that remark. Sure he was in an elevator and would've only made it as far as the wall a few feet away, but it wasn't going to be for the lack of trying to escape. His current predicament had once more been brought to the surface. There was only one option left. Blackmail!

"I shall not say anything about the real reason you are here, if you shall not say anything about this either."

"Sounds fair Teal'c, but just so you know… I think I can help you with your… thingy" She still couldn't bring herself to say pimple… it was just too odd, I mean come on, the man was 140 plus she reasoned.

Turning around to the, about to open doors, to symbolise that the conversation was over, he heard her words. Hope that there was a cure for his aliment flooded through him. If anyone had been privy to his thoughts they would have thought that he had a terminal disease rather than a small imperfection or lump under his lip.

He turned about face and uttered a single word before turning back around to face the doors again.

"Indeed" He had suddenly remembered his ultimate plan to use indeed as many times as possible.

And so they made their way to the change rooms, offering simple moral support in their own unique ways, Teal'c waiting every few metres for Sam to catch up and Sam silently promising to never look up at Teal'c's face whilst glaring at any passers who looked their way, if looks could kill the Carter death toll would've been higher than the one catalysed by the Gou'ulds.

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**And there is the end of Teal'c and Carter's expedition down the hallways of the SGC, next up; our dearly beloved Dr. Daniel Jackson's somewhat delusional trip, (literally) down the hallways. Stay tuned for next time on the Day that the SGC went MAD**

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****Wow! Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I'm astounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted, completely dumbfounded (don't you just love thesauruses) by how many people are enjoying this, and to think I thought I was only writing for my own personal amusement! **

**Special thanks however too:**

**Equinox-SGC: hehehe… you want to borrow my immune system? Well sure… but I think its more a matter of my mum wouldn't let me stay home from school so I don't ask and drag my sorry but to school regardless… I mean the last time I had a day off school was in year 9 and that was only because I had been admitted into hospital because I couldn't breathe the day before. And actually my friend's a he lol… Still thanks so much for your continued response!**

**Darth Tater: for some reason your review reminds me of a tepee… don't ask why… ive not got any idea… but thanks for the review anyway!**

**Scjon: Yay… you thought it was funny… sometimes I still get insecure that it's not funny…**

**StargateFan: Thanks for the review, glad that you thought it was a good chpt**

**Chicky: You know what, your soo right… I do keep spelling Colonel wrong! I keep spelling it as in the old Colonial bank, hmm I wonder why… maybe because my mum used to work there and that's just what my finger's come up with? Anyhow… thanks for noticing that, I trying to remember but if I start doing it again, don't hesitate to point it out to me!**

**Bexi: hehehehe, I love your review… by the way it sounds even better at 3 in the morning when you've had no sleep 3 nights in a row and you need sleep but for some reason it eludes you. Still, to be honest I think this story is the product of my own trips in the land of the mentally unstable. I'm sorry that its confusing… and I think the next chpt will be the most confusing, but I'm trying to put it in a way that it flows…**

**Smartbraty2: hey I think you reviewed twice! I'm sorry that I couldn't give it to you that fast, but maybe next time. Still thanks for the review.**

**SG-Fan: you reviewed for each of the chapters! Wow you've got stamina lol… thanks for taking the time to review 3 times! And I hope this was a worthy of the 3 reviews!**

**MysticDragon1691: I love your pen name! Absolutely brilliant! And for some reason your review reminds me of a teacher who gets people up on assembly only to shake their hand and say 'good job', however thanks heaps for your review!**

**Albi: wow! You think I've got a sense of humour… now that's an accomplishment for me considering my dad is forever telling me that women don't have a sense of humour… hmmm I gave up French in year 10… right after going to New Caladonia with school, and managing to spend most of Bastille day (well night) in the police station with two friends and two teachers, although that's a different story. Although thanks for the offer… however if your reading this, I'm curious as to what biochemistry entails, considering I'm thinking of that and biotechnology at uni next year.**

**Sorry people if I babbled a bit to much… that what happens I guess at 3 in the morning and your on a high thanks to fermented apple juice with no one to talk to, while also trying to find a web site to download stargate eps regardless of whether its illegal or not and everything you think you find paydirt… it doesn't work!**


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